Fishing Catalogs and Bass fishing

It's that time of the year that we come out of our man caves, dust off our catalogs, open a window and breathe deeply. We catch a whiff of spring and awake from our primordial daze to complain that we awoke too soon. No hatch to proclaim. I'm still banging on my garbage cans to break them loose from the ice-encrusted ground. My battery is dead (again). What's there to eat?

Two months until opening day. Of course, I'll wait till May to go Bass fishing. So I get out my Bass flies again! Stare at them in amusement realizing that I have had far too many to use in any one season. Crack open a catalog, pour a cup of coffee, peruse the latest reasons my synaptic gaps are even firing this morning and try to decide what new patterns I need. (again)

Do you loose any brain cells staring at the same pictures over and over? I know I've lost skin cells on my fingers turning pages.

I enjoy and look forward to getting the next fishing catalog. When it arrives in the mail I take time right then to flip the pages, bend a few that interest me and plan my next reading attack.

Yesterday I received one of my favorite catalogs. This particular one I look forward to getting. It's a quality designed catalog, in other words, thought went into its production. I turned to the section “Warm water flies”, What the frick........are you kidding me, who wrote this? I want names, numbers, and e-mails and I want them now!!!!!

Quote: “Bass fishing isn't brain surgery, and you sure don't need to match the hatch.” yadda, yadda I stopped reading.

No, it's not brain surgery, but since when does trout fishing involve the cerebral brain activity necessary to plumb the depths of quantum mechanics. I guess Z0 and trout fishing are the new (G)ods. Please take me off your mailing list. I will buy my flies online. After all, I'm not taking apart some frontal lobe so I guess I can't understand the value of a $600.00+ fly rod. Written about by some polysyllabic marketing fanatic using the “Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector”. Let's see I (think) “there's a stretch” I'll use number 3,7 and 5 “Modified Versatile Performance” that'll open a few wallets, Bob.

It's this kind of subversive under-toning in catalog descriptions that says to every newcomer to the sport of fly fishing, let me see your Ph.D., you can't cast, better take my $300 an hour casting class or you're going to look like a newbie. Fun what's that? Take a kid fishing, omg. $150 equipment? When you are smarter and have studied the art of fly fishing, read every book and logged 1,000 of armchair casting then you will be ready my son. Wax on Wax off.

That's my rant and I'm sticking to it. Till next time see you on the Bass water.

Yes, I canceled my subscription to the catalog.